Don’t Go It Alone: 3 Friends to Help You Navigate Reentry as a TCK

You’re going to need 3 friends to help you navigate reentry as a TCK. Transitioning back to your passport country after growing up overseas is no small thing. If you’re a Third Culture Kid (TCK) or Missionary Kid (MK), you already know that reentry comes with unique challenges. Maybe you’re just starting college, or maybe you’re setting foot in your “home” country for the first time in years. Either way, it can feel like everyone else got a handbook you somehow missed.

The slang, the humor, the social expectations—so much can feel foreign in what should be familiar. You might laugh at jokes no one else understands, or you might blank out when friends use idioms that make no sense to you. Reentry, often called reverse culture shock, can feel lonely. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

Thriving in reentry isn’t about memorizing every social rule. It’s about walking with the right people. Here are three types of friends who can help you transition well: a Local, a Mirror, and a Been There.

1. The Local

Who they are: A monocultural peer who grew up in your passport country.

Why you need them: Locals serve as cultural guides. They explain slang, decode social dynamics, and warn you when you’re about to misstep. Think of them as your translator for everyday life in your new setting.

What it looks like: Imagine you accidentally said something in class that made the room go silent. Or maybe you misunderstood sarcasm in your dorm. A Local can pull you aside and say, “Hey, when you said that, here’s how people probably heard it…” That perspective can save you embarrassment and help you learn faster.

Where to find them: Look around your dorm hall, your classes, or your campus ministry. A Local might even be your roommate or someone in a school club you joined. Share some of your backstory so they understand why you ask questions others don’t. Give them permission to be honest, and stay humble enough to accept their feedback.

2. The Mirror

Who they are: Someone navigating the same (or similar) transition at the same time.

Why you need them: Mirrors “get it.” They also wrestle with culture shock, shifting identity, and the big question of what counts as “normal.” They may not have all the answers, but they share the same questions.

What it looks like: A Mirror is the friend you text after a confusing interaction: “Was it just me, or was that super weird?” Together, you laugh, sometimes cry, and most importantly, remind each other: “We’re not crazy, and we’re not alone.”

Where to find them: Another MK or TCK in your dorm, a campus ministry friend, or someone in Mu Kappa. If you can’t find someone in person, stay in touch with a friend overseas who’s also in reentry. Just make sure your conversations don’t stay stuck in the past—encourage each other to plant roots and grow where you are now.

3. The Been There

Who they are: A TCK who walked through reentry a few years before you.

Why you need them: Been Theres give hope. They survived what you’re living now, and they can offer encouragement, perspective, and hard-earned wisdom. They remind you that the grief, exhaustion, and awkwardness won’t last forever. At some point they have been each of the 3 friends; they have also needed all 3 friends.

What it looks like: When you feel tempted to give up or retreat to the familiar, they can say, “I’ve been there, and it does get better. Here’s what helped me…” Their stories anchor you in the truth that healing and growth take time. And they keep you from dropping out and flying back to your “real” home.

Where to find them: Look for upperclassmen in Mu Kappa, a mentor from your sending organization, or an older sibling (or your friend’s older sibling). Ideally, a Been There will be at least three years ahead of you in the transition process.

Final Thought

Transition back to the place you’ve never really lived in is hard, but it’s much easier when you have the right people walking beside you. Look for a Local, a Mirror, and a Been There. If you can’t find all three right away, start with one. Eventually, you’ll have these 3 friends–and more. The point is simple: don’t go it alone.

There are people ready to support you as you navigate this season of life. They want to walk with you. Let them in. Lean on their wisdom, laugh through the awkward moments, and remind yourself: you’re not the only one figuring this out.

You’ve already made it this far. Keep going. With the right community, you can do more than survive reentry—you can thrive in it.

 

Bret Taylor

President, Interaction International
Creator the Adaptable TCK Model
Co-author of Setting the Standard: Standards of Excellence for Third Culture Kid Care 

This article was previously published in Mu Kappa’s newsletter, fall 2025.